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You are: HARLEY QUINN!


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Well I am spending the night over Chris's mom's tonight, debating now in my head whether I should get up and leave. Chris's step-dad has a screen saver going, which is a shuffle-slide-show of all the pictures in their "MY PICTURES" folder on the computer. Chris mentioned seeing a cute picture of he & I on there. As he lays in bed asleep, I sit here looking at the slide show and up pops a picture of he & Jamie, the fucking cunt that he had an affair with while we were married.

After an instant bout of diarrhea (sorry for the disgusting visual, but that is literally how physically ill the memory of that whole situation makes me), I went through deleting all the pictures that remain of that dreadful bitch. Truly, I would like to believe that he didn't know those were on there and that I would see them. From the way he is behaving, he seems happy, I know he isn't communicating with her and he loves me. But COME ON. WHAT THE FUCK?!

Part of me wants to leave a note saying, "I can't do this anymore," get up and drive home. The other part of me wants to curl up next to him and go to sleep, not even mentioning this in the morning. You know, forgiveness and the whole bit. All I know is, I can't sleep and I am really bummed.

...OK so enough about that nonsense. I just had to get it off my chest. Last Wednesday I got a call from Spencer Tunick asking me to do a solo shoot with him on Thursday. He told me I could bring a friend with me. Missy was the unfortunate one that I picked. Turned out, he is a total asshole if you are around him alone.

He had the two of us, stark naked, climbing 6 foot up an icy-snowy hill and dropping down on our sides to lay in the elements for 10 minutes. Missy both dug her nails in the ground and grabbed a tree to keep us from sliding as I clung to her naked ass. All the while, Spencer Tunick was barking instructions at us. I lost all feeling from mid-calf to the tips of my toes and at the end of the shoot clung to a tree while Spencer himself dressed me because I felt physically unable to.

The rest of the day he treated Missy & I like his personal bitches (he had her carry his coffee and me watch for traffic while he shot), all the while treating the other 3 models like they were goddesses. I have to say, if Jeff hadn't been my first "nude" photographer (so professional, so sweet in what was an uncomfortable situation for me at first), I would NEVER have posed in the nude again. The day was brought to a fabulous conclusion when he joined us at Aladdin's for lunch, left before the bill came and threw a $10 on the table when his meal (before tax & tip) was almost $15. What a dick. The meager attempt at conversation he made just added insult to injury (ie: giving yes or no answers to questions meant to initiate conversation/him asking me a question then looking over my shoulder out the window when I responded).

I am getting ready for spring semester. I have a pretty hefty schedule: Yoga, Pilates (hey, maybe I'll work out if my grade depends on it...wishful thinking!), Urban Studies, College Composition, Journalism II, Journalism Staff Practicum & College 101 (hey, it's a required course for a degree). I am beginning to get stir-crazy from the huge vacation I'm on. Wishing I didn't have to be here for the apartment job or my ass would have been in Florida right now with my best friend. Chris and I are planning a trip to NYC over spring break if we make it that far!

I just got an email from my old boss at Scene (a response to one I sent him about 2 months ago), saying we need to get together to catch up. Whether that happens or not, it was nice to hear from him. He really has no idea what a huge influence he was in my life and not hearing from him hurt my feelings. So, I hope we are able to get together 'cause I sure do miss him.

Mark your calendars: February 27 - I am having an Oscar party. And everyone send me your address for your 'official' invite in early February. It will be fun.

Another point of irritation I've had lately is with Chris's total "issues" with Organ Grinders, Spencer Tunick and the like. This is going to be a REAL struggle when it comes time for the show. I am half thinking about not doing it, but Missy has already started talking me back into it. I dunno. So much bullshit, I swear. It's times like these that make me wonder if it's worth it. I do, however, remind myself how I felt without him and it was torture. On the other hand, I remember that he was the cause of us not being together and that brings up a whole assortment of other thoughts.

Well, I must go because this rambling on and on must be getting boring to those who are reading it. It really feels good to let it all out.

Franklyn, if you're out there, I could definitely use a slumber party really soon! I miss you.

I sent the last paper of the fall semester over to the printing press today. It turned out well. Just a couple of weeks and then back to the grind of spring with a new crew and new opportunities.

Though I've had quite the time adjusting to the college life, I know that spring will be even more challenging with 4 times more classes. Breathe...you can do this. I believe I will finish out this semester with A's in both of my classes. I guess I still have it in me after all. I'm just hating that I am going to have to take my math placement test and will probably get placed in 'retard math'. Which means if I don't do that soon, I am going to be in college longer than I thought I would be; just to meet my math requirement. Life's not fair!

I just found out that I will be bartending at the Richland Cafe in Lakewood on both Christmas and New Year's Day. So...if anyone's not busy...

Chris & I are still "on" and things are going pretty well. I can finally catch up on that. He gave me a fabulous birthday (hey, it's about time)...woke me up with breakfast in bed, followed by a nice shirt from Lerner. Then we were off to lunch at the Cleveland Grill, followed by another gift of a hair cut at Zen. Then we went shopping for a new purse for me, took a nap and had dinner at XO. We went to his YMCA basketball game and out to the bar afterwards. Then he gave me another shirt from Lerner (he couldn't decide on just one!) and I had a great night's sleep. It was lovely.

We're going to have a busy week this week, and are going to see Miss Saigon on Tuesday. It's been 10 years since the last time I saw it and I can't wait. We're stage left, 5th row. Woo hoo.

Well, that's all for now folks. Miss you.

I am still alive.
More later.
Love yall.
Trish

Sorry I haven't written in a while. My life has been incredibly busy to say the least.

I am working at the paper at school, going to school, bartending 2 times a week, managing my apartment building & teaching 2nd graders to read 2 times a week. I thought I could use a vacation, so I went for a visit to Dallas, which turned out to totally suck.

Chris & I are back together. So far, so good. I really missed him & am so glad that we are trying to work things out.

Hopefully some/all of you will be at the party on Friday...I will.

HEY!!! WHO'S COMING TO MY PARTY ON FRIDAY??

It has been so long since I've updated my journal. I definitely feel like I am falling off the face of the earth here & wishing I had more free time to enjoy the simple pleasures of LJ.

Aside from my journalism class, working as the editor of the paper and managing the apartment, I have now added bartending at the Richland Cafe two days a week. It's just the little extra boost I need for 'fun' money, but I am now up to 7 days of work.

Yesterday, I went to the last Indians home game with the owner of the bar & 3 of the regulars. We had tickets to the Terrace Club & were right behind home plate. We also had press passes, but I didn't end up using them because I got shit faced at the Terrace Club and was pretty much worthless after that. They had this drink with Stoli-soaked fruit. It was the bomb.

The paper is going really well. So far, I have been very highly complimented by both my boss & the 'veteran' staff...aah I can breathe. It's not as bad as I thought! I am going to the Collegiate Media Convention in November & they are paying for it. Also planning to go to another convention in LA in the beginning of '05. I finally finished my editorial that I have been pondering for the last month (yeah, I know, I suck -- but my adviser says it's "almost competition-level writing" so that is pretty sweet, and apparently, worth the wait for how long it took me, haha).

As for Chris...ok are you ready? He's been coming around again & things are going well. He's trying, has been treating me really well, and I am happy. I've made it pretty clear that I have goals now, and I am not planning on going anywhere for the next two years (at which time I will have my associate's degree & either be thinking about transferring out of Cleveland either to work on the last half of my bachelor's or looking for writing jobs). No matter what happens, I have a clear sense of my own goals, and I plan to work towards those goals, with or without Chris in the picture. Right now though, I feel really good about things & think that things could be OK as long as I remember MY plans.

I just booked a little weekend getaway for myself to Dallas. I am going 10/21-25 and staying with friends. It should be good, and by then, I will NEED a vacation (shit, I already feel like I do!!)

My best friend Christie is coming into town next weekend. YAY! I can't wait to see her!

Well, that's it for now. I am off to write/watch Chris play basketball.

xoxox
Trish

If you've ever bought a meal with your last ten bucks, brought it home and eaten about four bites before accidentally spilling the rest of the hot food into your lap and onto the floor in a slow-motion "Oooohhhh ssshhheeeeeaaaattt" moment - post this exact same sentence in your journal.

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Well, Chris called me today. Apparently, he's in San Francisco, went to the Dave Matthews concert & Carlos Santana was there & they played our wedding song ("Love of my Life" with Dave Matthews singing & Carlos Santana playing guitar). Ooh, my heart hurts. Just chatted with him about usual stuff and felt a little bit sad. There are times when I really miss my baby. This is one of those times. BUT, I remember, I am doing well on my own. Better than I've ever been. And as Erin says, "You divorced him for a reason."

As the fall is approaching, Halloween, my birthday, Thanksgiving & Christmas are coming around, and I am once again pained by the fact that I don't have someone to spend these times with. Granted, I have my friends and family, but it doesn't make it easy that I don't have a 'partner' to share those special times with.

I worked all weekend & now I am going to do some laundry & watch Six Feet Under before I crash & get ready for production week on another paper.

Say a little prayer for me ;-)

Well it's been a long while since my last post. I have been super busy and was out of commission most of the week being sicker than hell. Luckily, I had an unused Rx for amoxicillin and it kicked the shit out of whatever was bothering me this week. Just wish that I had taken it right when I was feeling sick, rather than when it full on hit me. Well, live and learn I suppose.

The editor job is going wonderfully. I put out my first paper the week before last and it turned out awesome. I rather impressed myself for a first timer. The upcoming week is another production week, so it'll be back to the grind. Besides that, I missed a class last week, so I have to play catch up now.

The apartment job is going ok too. It's one of those things that I've started to look at as a necessary evil. I need to have my own place, so this is what I have to do to afford it. It's not awful, but it's completely annoying to have 50 residents thinking that your world revolves around their leaky faucet, etc.

I just took on another job, bartending at the Richland Cafe in Lakewood. I thought it was just for this weekend, but found out today that it is for every weekend from now on. Today was pretty good. Never got super busy and left with over $100. I could get really used to that -- two days of that will be the perfect amount to give me some 'fun money' to go out with and actually buy myself some clothes. I NEED winter clothes like nobody's business.

I want to start doing something to lose weight before I start buying all kinds of clothes though. I am the biggest I've ever been and it is pissing me off. Everytime I go shopping, there's nothing that fits me right, I have a pot belly. Grr. I hate it.

This week all alone in my apartment because I was sick got me in a bit of a funk. I know that I am incredibly busy -- too busy, in fact, for anyone 'special' in my life. Or, any relationship that is going to occupy too much of my time and distract me from all of the other important things that are pulling at me from every direction. But somehow, at the end of the day, I get lonely and I am sad that I don't have someone around to just "be" with. This week really made me miss having someone in my life because I was here, all alone, sicker than hell, with nobody around to care. My mom did bring me over some Cracker Barrel on Thursday night and that was much appreciated, but...

There is the hot guy that I mentioned way back in July -- the one down the hall that answered his door in a towel when I went to borrow a can opener. I am really thinking of non-chalantly approaching him this week and just casually seeing if he'll be my 'tour guide' out in Lorain County, as I really have no friends out here. Then, hopefully it will develop into, if nothing else, regular good sex. I mean, he does live 3 doors down...how convenient would that be?!

Well -- I must be off. I got my second wind today and am off to do laundry and take a bubble bath. The one thing that I must say I am still loving, in spite of everything, is my total freedom to do what I want, anytime I feel like it - as I live alone for the first time. It is simply divine :-)

Got another flower today from the crazy guy from Speedway who likes me. It's kinda weirding me out, but I can't bring myself to be blunt with him. Sometimes, I'm just too nice.

Been running around like a crazy person lately & just not like 'myself'. Forgot three birthdays in the past week, and that is so not like me. I feel like I am spread too thin between school, the newspaper & the apartment. I don't know how I plan to add another 2-3 classes to this schedule next semester!

I cleaned an apartment last night and it was COMPLETELY disgusting. The woman who lived there appears to have never cleaned her bathroom. I was literally scrubbing the floor of a tiny bathroom for over an hour. I collected about a measuring cup full of hair from the floor. The floor was so full of dirt and hair that it looked gray. When I was finished, it looked white. I thought I was going to vomit.

Now it's onto my apartment. I have stuff thrown everywhere because I've been coming and going so quickly that I just don't seem to have the time to do anything by way of housekeeping. I do have some Scrubbing Bubbles at work in the bathtub and just cleaned the toilet with that new one-use toilet brush. Coolest thing ever :-)

I put my first paper out on Friday...I am kinda winging it at this point. Well, I guess that's it for now. I hvae to start doing rent reconciliation in a few and then it's bathtime...I need to RELAX.

What Does your Personal Dildo look like by Angel_deKay
Your Name
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You use it and say	i belive i am in love
What it looks like
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Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"

Exhibitionism
The world is your stage, and everyone in it is your audience, whether they like it or not. Your favorite place to have sex is the pitcher's mound of a ball stadium, under the arena lights. You are extremely loud when having sex. You don't mind people watching, taking pictures or videotaping you no matter what you're doing. Your motto is It's all about ME!

OK change of plans. No more Chris. He didn't know what he wanted enough for me to want to get involved with him again. I think & hope I've finally learned my lesson...I am OK by myself.

Yesterday, my friend Renee and I went to see xhellb0mbx and get me my first tattoo. Here's a picture of what I got: http://www.geomancy.net/mypictures/cgi-bin/mypictures.cgi?action=view&link=Mandarin_Words/Fu_Lu_Shou_-_Luck_Prosperity_Longevity&image=prosperity.jpg&img=&tt=

It's in a cool teal-blue color right below my neck in between my shoulders.

I held my first staff meeting yesterday, then my advisor invited me over to see her new condo. I really like my advisor...I think that this is going to be a good year in school.

Then Chris emailed, we talked & he came over. He really wants a second shot with me. I really want to see if we can work things out. He sounds sure of himself, sounds committed, but I am afraid that things aren't going to work out and that I am going to have to deal with another emotional roller-coaster in my life. I really can't deal with being upset again -- too unproductive, I have way too much good going on in my life.

On the other hand, I still love him...I still miss him. I guess this is something I am going to have to figure out for myself, part of me wants to be the hopeless romantic and believe that it will work out, the other part of me -- the one who remembers what happened over the last year -- wants to protect myself. I know that for anything to work out, it's going to take a lot of commitment on his part, and a lot of forgiveness and 'openness' on mine. I guess only time will tell.

This is the problem with LJ, we all think we are close, but we know nothing about each other. To rectify this, I want you to ask something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.


Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.